those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
zippers are such a cool invention
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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