Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
