this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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