I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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