i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
