Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
