just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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