Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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