tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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