I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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