Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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