I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
