Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
