Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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