He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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