well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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