Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
