She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
