Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize