It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
