Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I could make wine with my vomit
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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