Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
is wine microwaveable?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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