I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
