Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
