I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
