ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
