hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
