This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
