i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
