There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
