dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
