Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
