so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
