I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
