he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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