Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
