dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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