i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
