oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize