Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
