is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
