If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
