i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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