They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
