DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
