Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
