sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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