I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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