I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
