I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
