dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
