I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
