im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
