these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my sisters under your porch take her home
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
