so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
