What a fucking waste of an outfit
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
