And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
