I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
