and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
