I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I could make wine with my vomit
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
