Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
