how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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