just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize