apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
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