he shaved USA in his pubs
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
