Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
even my farts smell like vagina
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
