There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
