i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
accomplished twins. life is a go
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
